My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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