Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
