I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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