Me. At least after what I've been through.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
