I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
