bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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