Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
