So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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