Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize