I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
