my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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