hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
