I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize