I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize