i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
