I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
