Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
