I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
