Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
