we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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