Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
