My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
