She said her name was "party"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
