My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
