Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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