I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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