no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
