If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
