I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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