I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
