You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
