I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
