He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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