We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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