R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
