Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
