I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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