And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
