im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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