My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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