Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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