they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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