apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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