Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
