My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
