if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
