We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
