She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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