it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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