Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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