Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
