Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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