You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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