i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
