she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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