I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
