It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
