My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
