just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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