For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize