i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
