there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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