I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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