I just threw up on my dentist
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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