It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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