I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
