i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize