Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
