As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
