Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
