Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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