They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's great music for shaving your balls
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
