I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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