I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
