If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
