the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
